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Coming home from very lonely places, all of us go a little mad: whether from great personal success, or just an all-night drive, we are the sole survivors of a world no one else has ever seen.

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In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

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Men have become the tools of their tools.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

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Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

We're a group of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community. Your web site offered us with valuable info to work on. You have done an impressive job and our whole community will be thankful to you.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

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There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

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Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

The truth is more important than the facts.

The truth is more important than the facts.

The truth is more important than the facts.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

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I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

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A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

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Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

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Hey There, this information is a life saver. We all should go to the clinic and make sure they arent spreading stuff like chlamydia or countless other issues.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

I am not real superb with English but I get hold this real easygoing to understand .

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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

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The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Hi there, what's up you guys???

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

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There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

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I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

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Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

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Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

Bon truc. Merci. Je reviendrai pour miracle mineral solution apprendre quoi d'autre vous devez dire.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

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I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

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I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

Hi there just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren't loading correctly. I'm not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I've tried it in two different internet browsers and both show the same outcome.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

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University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

All of us wish to have an adorable , radiant, and younger-looking skin, especially on our face. The face will be the initial factor in our body that's recognized by any individuals who stare at us. So it's quire embarrassing if you will find dark spots, wrinkles, and fine lines that draw in our face. For this reason, searching for the top skincare items is everybody's objective to solve the issues in our face along with other skins of our body.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

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University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

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Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Respect the publish I believe many of the good point got covered here, I noticed a simialar post on one other website but the points weren't as well put across, the truth is it was rather a bit one sided.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

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Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

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An wholly agreeable view-point, I believe primarily based on my own experiencecs that your findings are appropriate and is generally misunderstood by most individuals today.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

We all know that junk meals is certainly horrible on a diet. If you want to burn off belly fat, you can't do it by shoveling junk down your throat. And, I'm not speaking about sugary sweets and sodas - I'm speaking about the overly processed "healthy" meals that are genuinely not balanced.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

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A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

I fully agree with author opinion.

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The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

What a great blog. Good job

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

When I originally commented I clicked the -Notify me when new feedback are added- checkbox and now every time a comment is added I get 4 emails with the same comment. Is there any manner you'll be able to take away me from that service? Thanks!

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

When I originally commented I clicked the "Notify me when new comments are added" checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

You are informed well. Lets hear more about this topic. What do you think?

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

preludize

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

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It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

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Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

Now it is appropriate time to produce a few plans for the long run and it's time to take a break. I've read this put up and if I could I wish to suggest you few attention-grabbing issues or suggestions. Maybe you could post subsequent post regarding this post. I hope to read even more issues related to it!

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

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I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

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If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

I think other web site proprietors should take this web site as an model, very clean and fantastic user genial style and design, let alone the content. You are an expert in this topic!

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

There's evidently a new bundle to help identify about this. I actually suppose you made various wonderful factors within characteristics in addition.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

The truth is more important than the facts.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

As a Newbie, I am always searching online for articles that can help me get further ahead

You got a really useful blog I have been here reading for about half an hour. I am a newbie and your post is valuable for me.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

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UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could fix if you werent too busy looking for attention. I like this topic. Thanks. There is one article about Blackberry phone and playbook Blackberry 2010 Guide, the author is the developer of Blackberry product!

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

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A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

atleast you will get something to do & if the book is a success your phone will start ringing again =D

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

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If a man does his best, what else is there?

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

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Am I the only one tired of these dating sights such as Facebook and Twitter. Lmao.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

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Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

The helicopter video games is an easy flash recreation with a easy mission: to get as many points as you can whereas avoiding walls and attempting not to hit the higher and the decrease borders or the tunnel type surroundings. You get to fly with a small helicopter that comes with a unique blue rotor blade, I ponder what's its model) that goes up then comes down with a click of the mouse. Anyway with this game the tail of the helicopter game is simply an effect. You don't have to be troubled considered it.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

The helicopter video games is a straightforward flash recreation with a easy mission: to get as many factors as you can while avoiding partitions and trying not to hit the upper and the lower borders or the tunnel like surroundings. You get to fly with a small helicopter games that has to come with a unique blue rotor blade, I wonder what is its flying model) that goes up then comes down with a click of the mouse. Anyway with this recreation the tail of the helicopter sport is just an effect. You do not should be troubled about it.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

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Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

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When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

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I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

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A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

Cool. Your blog looks great, and I’m glad i’ve found something here worth adding to my favorites.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

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Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Mmm, I think you could be proper in what you've got stated.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

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When you have to take action, you might as well do it right.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

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Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

Why don't you write books people can read?

Why don't you write books people can read?

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Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

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Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

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Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

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Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Thank you for taking the time to write this!

Thank you for taking the time to write this!

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

Thank you for taking the time to write this!

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

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Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

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Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

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Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

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Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

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You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

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If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

thanx for your patience and sorry for the inconvenience!

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

Thanks, I have recently been looking for information about this subject for ages and yours is the best I've discovered so far. But, what about the bottom line? Are you sure about the source?

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

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The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

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If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

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Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Fortunately , the painful process don't last too long . A number of days later , I could finally put on the shoes purchased in Christian Louboutin Shoes Sale effectively . It should be my nice success in my every day life . On a regular basis I would like to do a little problem , I don't need to make myself down only for the little issues . For the Christian Louboutin Sneakers Sale , I ought to be thankful .

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

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In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

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Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

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I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

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What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

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The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

Many thanks for making this website wonderful, I really appreciate the hard work that you put into this site.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

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The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

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He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

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The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

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It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

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I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

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It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

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After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

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Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

I concur with your conclusions and will eagerly watch forward to your future updates. The usefulness and significance is overwhelming and has been invaluable to me!

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Ha you cant be foreal.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

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You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

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Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

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Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

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A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

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Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

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Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

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Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

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The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

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UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

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All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Thanks for the suggestions you have provided here. Another thing I would like to say is that laptop or computer memory demands generally increase along with other developments in the technological innovation. For instance, if new generations of cpus are made in the market, there is usually an equivalent increase in the dimensions demands of both computer memory in addition to hard drive room. This is because the software program operated through these cpus will inevitably boost in power to take advantage of the new technological know-how.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

The post was able to express what it wants to convey to the readers. It has been a very effective approach which resulted to a profitable output for all who have been fortunate enough to come across it!

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

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No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

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Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

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The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Aside from established ranks for instance officers as well as raid leaders, presently there tend to be a lot of niche roles that guild members may tumble straight into. I'm personally of the opinion that many guilds may benefit from using a chosen whipping boy to call their own. You understand exactly who I'm talking about. Everyone cracks jokes at his expense. Problems tend to be blamed on him, even if he's possibly not logged in. From the outsider's point of view, it may appear suspiciously just like everyone dislikes him or her!

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

One thing I'd like to say is the fact before obtaining more laptop or computer memory, consider the machine directly into which it could well be installed. If your machine is definitely running Windows XP, for instance, the actual memory ceiling is 3.25GB. Using a lot more than this would purely constitute a new waste. Make certain that one's mother board can handle the actual upgrade amount, as well. Thanks for your blog post.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

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A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

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TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

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I believe that youtube is a great tool for someone curious in watching or uploading videos. I have been using the site for years now, and still think it is doing a good job!

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

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Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

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A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

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Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.